Sanky Pankies


There seems to be an assumption that all Dominican men are sanky pankies, which is a word used for those who go out with foreign women with the sole objective of taking their money or to use them to leave the country.  However, there are many good Dominican men, I am married to one, as are many other foreign women. Here is a basic questionnaire which might help you decide if your Dominican is a Sanky Panky or not.


Is my boyfriend a Sanky Panky?
Choose one answer to each question unless stated otherwise.
1. Appearance:
a. He has braided hair
b. He has long hair
c. He has normal short hair
2. Dress
a. He wears quite a lot of gold jewelry
b. He only has a little or no jewelry
3. Dancing
a. He is an excellent dancer and not afraid to dance
b. He is an average dancer and dances sometimes
c. He doesn't dance
4. Language skills
a. He speaks very good English
b. He speaks average English
c. He can’t speak any English
5. Occupation
a. He works in a hotel in animation/bar work
b. He works in a hotel doing something else
c. He works another tourist related job such as restaurant/bar/tour guide
d. He has a job outside the tourist industry
6. His finances
a. He has no bank account
b. He has a basic peso account
c. He has a peso account and a credit card
d. He has a peso account, maybe a dollar account, both with money in them, and a credit card.
7. Your finances
a. He asks you for money often and you send it
b. He doesn’t ask for money when you are not here, but you pay for everything when you are here.
c. He has never asked you for money
8. Language
a. He called you baby, mami, mi amor within hours of meeting you
b. He calls you baby or similar even after knowing him a while
c. He uses your name
9. He tells you he loves you
a. Within a day
b. Within a week
c. He hasn’t said it
10. Relationship
a. He asked you to marry him within a week
b. He asked you to marry him within three months/ or on your second visit
c. He asked you to marry him within a year/or on your third visit
d. He has not asked you to marry him
11. Travel
a. He has never travelled abroad, has no passport and no visas
b. He has travelled abroad once.
c. He has travelled abroad multiple times and has multiple visas.
12. His life (answer all which apply)
a. His mother has a serious illness and you have helped pay for treatment
b. He has been arrested when you were not here and you had to pay to get him out of jail
c. He was in hospital when you were not here and you had to pay the bills.
d. He lost his job when you were not here and you had to pay his rent.

Answers
Q1: A-3 B-2 C-1
Q2: A-3 B-1
Q3: A-3 B-1 C-0
Q4: A-2 B-1 C-0
Q5: A-4 B-3 C-2 D-1
Q6: A-3 B-2 C-1 D-0
Q7: A-5 B-3 C-0
Q8: A-3 B-2 C-1
Q9: A-3 B-2 C-0
Q10: A-4 B-3 C-1 D-0
Q11: A-2 B-1 C-0
Q12: A-4 B-4 C-4 D-4

Score
51 – 38 This man is almost definitely a sanky panky. He is only after your money, and/or a visa to your country, where he is likely to leave you as soon as he arrives. He very probably has other foreign girlfriends as well. Get out before it is too late.
37 –28 There is a chance that this man is a sanky panky. He has learned some of the tricks of the trade. There is a possibility he is not, but you need to be aware. Suggest never send money when asked and see if he sticks around.
28- 10 It is probable that this man is not a sanky panky. There are many great Dominican men, and just because they work in hotel animation and speak English does not mean they are a sanky.

Below 10: Very doubtful this man is a sanky panky. Good luck in your relationship



What attracts a man to a woman or a woman to a man? It is a whole package.  Looks, personality, compatibility.  And also what each one will bring to the party. Remember many Dominican men are poor, and many are unemployed. If you have a relationship with a Dominican man you cannot deny that part of the attraction for them will be what they think you can do for them, whether it is financially or the opportunity to leave the Dominican Republic and find work. The chances are that you have more money than them, which may give them the opportunity to achieve something with their life.  Many people assume that Dominicans want to marry a foreign woman to get a visa to another country.  Many do leave with to join their foreign wives, but just as many do not want to leave their home country. It is also a status symbol to have a foreign girlfriend. Plus they are also attracted to your worldliness and knowledge – most love to learn.
However when should the warning bells start to ring. Firstly if he asks you for money and is lying about what it is for.  Often it will be something desperate, especially if you are overseas – in jail, about to go to jail, very ill, or family member very ill. Be very wary of these requests. The second thing to watch out for is if he has a ‘wife’.  Remember very few Dominicans actually marry, if you live with someone then they are considered to be husband and wife. The bad sankies will already be living with a Dominican woman, and will be with you just to extort money to provide for him and his wife.
But let’s look at the positives of living with a Dominican man. They are very loving and very caring, in fact you could say devoted.  They are also very protective, which can lead to jealousy.  They are very family orientated and will always support their families, not just you but their parents as well.  You should expect your Dominican man to want to give money to his parents regularly.  It is said that Latin men are very macho, but in my experience, and that of other women I know who are married to Dominicans, they will help around the house, clean and cook.  And one of the great things I find is the optimism and the joy for life.
In the good relationships between Dominican men and foreign women it is a win win situation.  Both get out of the relationship what they are looking for.
If you have any questions about Dominican men, what it is like to be married to one, the pros and cons, or wonder if your Dominican man is a sanky panky then feel free to contact me, or comment below.
If you want to read more about what it is really like being with a Dominican man then please buy my book "What about your saucepans?". It is available on Amazon and Apple iphone and Kobo. Kindle and paperback. I promise you you will not be disappointed.

42 comments:

  1. your blog is quite good, keep it going and thanks for come and live in my country, you are welcome here :)

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    1. Thank you for your welcome Pedro!

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  2. Loovee your blog! Muaaahh kisses from DR! Tu ta como e! :)

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    1. Gracias! Glad you like the blog! Y muy feliz que toy como e!

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  3. I like your blog, and a got inspired after seeing your,and i am creating one also, but i dont think i can write like you.

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    1. The hard part is starting. Once you have set up your blog then write in a way that you feel comfortable with. The ideas come to me when I am walking the dog or going to the colmado and then I just have to write them down straight away. Just go for it!

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  4. Hola Lindsay.... I love your blog. It is everything to me. You have taught me soo much about my country and my own culture...is amazing. You have inspired me to write a blog about the dominican diaspora here in the United States (precisely NYC where I reside). I just dont know how to get started :( . ALso, can you create an app for your blog so we can have easier access to it via iphone/android?? that would be very helpful. By the way, I cannot wait to buy your book when it comes out. your story is fascinating and i look forward to your posts everyday. please never stop writing. I promise once i get the book i will make it my mission to travel home and get it autographed by you. :) abrazos desde El Bronx, NY!!! -Pedro

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    1. Glad you enjoy the blog Pedro and great that you want to get started. Just go to blogger.com and start writing! Let me know when you have started it so I can follow it. I will look at how to create the iphone/android app.

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  5. It would be also helpful for you all to watch this video about Sanky Pankys.
    It's from a RD channel.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Q2bc9LtfA

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  6. Hahaha I love this!! I have also lived in the Dominican Republic. One question your forgot on your questionaire was age! Tons of Dominican men go after women way older than them. I always say if you can't get a young, good looking man in your own country but have no trouble in the DR.....that's a red flag!

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    1. Good point. Having said that Dominicans don't think age is as important as we do. I am 14 years older than my husband but he refuses to believe it even when shown my passport.

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  7. Hello Lindsay, It took me 4 years to finally find out that my dominican husband is a sanky. This is a very long story and today when i look behind, I was really stupid to believe in him like I did. I was coming in DR two times a year for long stay each time and when I started to talk too much about coming to stay full time with him, everything jumped in my face...I realized that I was going to disturb him and his lifestyle...

    It is too late for regrets. Nothing happens for nothing and today I am very happy that I am out this even if I still have a long way to go to get back my selfesteem

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    1. i am so sorry this happened to you. If you want to email me with your story then please do, and there is a great facebook site for women who have been sankified called Dominican sankies https://www.facebook.com/groups/229001960482635/ where women share their stories.

      You are not alone so please get your self esteem back soon. Anything I can do to help let me know. You were not stupid.

      Take care

      Lindsay

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  8. As always I enjoy your blog. do you know of a blog or thread about marrying Dominican women. Not dr1, all one reads there are moans, nothing constructive. Thanks, Richard

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    1. Sorry I don't know of a blog/thread about marrying Dominican women. I should think many of the issues are similar though - is she after me or my money, behavioural differences, language problems, cultural differences.

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  9. Hi I am a dominican born but raised in another country since i was 4 yrs old. Now at 36 i have met my husband in DR. He has been in my island before and did even got married to another woman in my island before but it did not work and she never registered the marriage so he couldnt stay here. he was actually deported. It was suggested by his sister for us to get married and he did not actually proposed but he did mentioned it. we did not spend much time together only a few days and i went back to dr to marry him so that he can come to my island.
    My concern is ofcourse: does he really love or care for me? I have paid for everything so far including the small wedding we just had, his clothes and mine, the food, the car, the hotel, he had some medical conditions that i have paid for him aswell ( it was tough for me because I have no way of knowing if he indeed was or is sick). for all the legal paper I had to pay for everything, his and mine. I bought him 2 bb which both are no longer working, when he had them we used to pin everyday, but since he has no phone anymore we sometimes went many days without knowing anything about each other, he ussually miscall me and I call him back, so again I am paying for the calls.
    Honestly the only thing that keeps me giving him the benefit of the doubt is the fact that he has introduce me to his daughters and have even spent time with the family of his deseased former wife (mother of his daughters), this is why i still believe in him, but ofcourse when it comes to money I start doubting again.
    Now that I am back on the island I am making all the arrangements to get him here, so I guess now that we will finally live together I Will see how he will act. I hope he lives up to his promise that he will take care of me as soon as he starts working. I just hope its all I am dreaming of.

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    1. I will keep my fingers firmly crossed that it all works out well for you. All the best for your future.

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  10. Hi
    I've just discovered your blog! Love your posts about sankies!. I've recently met one at Iberostar Hacienda Dominicus... he really plays by the book.
    He even told me his italian girlfriend was killed in an accident 2 months ago but... I guess dead people can also write on Facebook from paradise :/

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    1. Glad you enjoy the blog. Sorry you met a sanky and I hope you weren't played. Previous girlfriends often meet a sticky end, helps with the sympathy angle. The better ones often have deceased wives and children, but the mothers are always alive as they use them to collect cash later on as they usually become very ill!

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  11. Dear Lindsay,
    I wish I had come across all of this information last year. I was conned by mine. He works in a resort in Bavaro. I'm so ashamed and feel stupid. I'd like to email you my story. Now I'm dealing with the raw emotions and depression.

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    1. Of course you can email me your story at yoursaucepans@hotmail.com.
      Please don't feel ashamed nor stupid. It was not you, nor your fault. It was him. I am sorry you are dealing with depression now. Feel free to email me, maybe I can help a little.

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    2. Dear Anonymous,
      It is normal to feel this way. Sometimes we have something missing from our lives and when someone shows us amazing effection especially from a latin lover...its hard to differentiate what is fake and real. I am going through many different emotions right now as well. Best of luck and remember you are not alone!

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    3. I also was played by a Dominican that worked at a resort in Bavaro. I never thought I would have feelings for him but I did go visit him many times. I found out he was married and recently left for Spain to be with his wife.
      I feel stupid and very disappointed in myself for letting someone play me for a fool.

      Great blog!

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    4. hello, in what hotel was it? I have met someone in riu naiboa and i'm just a little bit scared if he is a sankie, I don't think so, but yeah, you never know for sure..

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  12. This questionnaire can be related to Bajan men as well :-)

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    1. I am sure all sorts of nationalities are sankies! Thanks for letting me know.

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  13. I don't even know what to think in my situation. But I'm THINKING I'm ok because he wants me to move and live there (I can't) and brings it up constantly. ..he doesn't work in tourism (but he does work and goes to college and is in Santiago. I'm not Being naive to anyof this. But itsall very confusing.

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    1. My wife is from Santiago. It is not unusual for a Sanky to say that they don't want to leave their country because they know very well that you will not want to leave the comforts and opportunities of your country to go and live in a third world country with all of its problems and discomforts. My a co-worker of mine find out that our apartment in Santiago didn't have any hot water or an air conditioner, or even screens on the windows (think bugs, lizards, frogs, and other "visitors"), the days without water or electricity (by the way the toliet doesn't work without water. Get me?) they were like "What??? How can you live like THAT".

      So it's not unusual for them (either Male or female) to say they don't want to leave or even beg you to come live with them. They KNOW you won't.

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  14. Hi Lindsay!

    I am so glad I found your blog. I just returned from the DR recently and befriended an awesome guy I met there, he does like me and has expressed interest however we live in different countries. We have kept in touch and speak daily. I was freaked out, however, when I came across various articles regarding "sankies". Granted, none of the descriptions fit him or our interactions, but one could never be sure. Is there a way I could possibly tell you my story to see if I am in danger of being conned?

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    1. Of course. Just email me at yoursaucepans@hotmail.com

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  15. Good morning Lindsay,

    I've been up all night ready your blogs. I am engaged to a Dominican man living in La Vega. I have many questions, concerns, and doubts about our relationship. I have physically been to the DR four times, to see him. We met over the internet, and have pursued a relationship for almost two years. I can not figure out if he is a spankie or not. :(. I have met. He scored a 17 on the questionaire. I have met most of all his family from my frequent visits, including his children and their mother. Sometimes i reflect on my visits and wonder if everyone is playing their "role" in this. I am definitely scared to be conned. My family all work with Homeland Security and he knows this. I have rocky relationship with my father because of my decision to petition for him. I have never used an online dating site ever and that is where we met. I just want to know what other signs i should look for besides the ones listed? I also purchased your book to try to get some more insight. Comments and advice needed please. Thank you,

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    1. If you have specific questions best to email me on yoursaucepans@hotmail.com. The sankies are getting cleverer re asking for money - many don't now. Check out facebook sites, just as he wanted to you meet family that is not necessarily a good sign, and also check that he is not still with the childrens' mother.

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  16. Hi Lindsay, here is something for you to make it public and for the girls to be aware of. But i need to tell my story first before I make my warning.
    I am a single mother who have been taking care of my child after divorce 24/7. The father didnt participate in my son's life at all. In May 2013, first time in my life I was able to travel to DR on my own, since my son is 17 right now and didnt want to travel with me anymore. Before it had always been either me traveling with my exhusband or with my child. Since my divorce i have been in a few serious relationships and since I am very successful in my career and people consider me as a very pretty woman, I have been dating very good men, successful financially and so on. But....... most of them fail to be good lovers. So here we go I am on vacation... May 2013 in DR. Of course after so many years of being a good girl I was opened to some kind of wild adventure....never had hearing of spankies in my life before. I brought condoms with me too. I wasnt looking for it by myself and was hanging out with canadian group who came in the same plane as me. But these guys from animation team know their business :). Well yes.... it looks all romantic when they are trying to get you. Yes they dance with you like there is no tomorrow. You feel good and desired. And here we go, he offers you to go out in town. You are having good time, drinking and dancing.... no interruption, as at the resort the animation team cant do it; they are supposed to entertain everybody, but here, he is all yours :). We leave the party at some point... he rents the motel for the night...I am "NO....NO...NO" and then think "" What the hell"... I am on vacation.... never did anything like this.... and "ooopppps....I left my condoms in the room". So I think "Well...I am ok...I am not 18 yo....as long as he has the protection with him... I will go for it" if not.....bye bye". Well he spent some time to make me go....blah blah blah.We enter the room, he goes to the bathroom... i go after him.... and he says "Are you going to watch me?" (this is the moment i think he mad a hole on the condom)....so of course i back off. At the end of our romantic night with the romantic thunder storm outside etc.... i felt the smell and screamed "Omg the condom is broken"...He goes "No.no no...its ok I will show you". I said "Yes..Show me"... It looks ok but i force him to put water in. nd here we goes...lots of water coming out. He started to appoligies...etc.....but girls...When the condom is torn by physical nature...it peels off like a banana...but if someone makes a hole... it stays as the whole. The bottom line....THEY WANT YOU TO GET PREGNANT!!!!. Only lately i recalled..he had asked me if i want more kids....that i am so beautiful I should get more kids, especially if a good man is around....etc.Girls....ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN CONDOMS...NO MATTER WHAT.... I got checked later on and am glad i didnt pick-up anything else. Was depressed for a while just of the fact....

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  17. forgot to mention...i forced him to get me emergency "Plan B" pills next morning. And he did

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  18. I lived in the DR for some years. I had a very bad relationship with someone that I thought was a good man. He was abusive and couldn't keep his dick in his pants. I starting to save money and moved out, best thing I ever did. He still botherd me until I found someone that I feel was my soul mate. We were together for 18 months before he was killed in his helicopter in 2009.
    I enjoyed living there and still miss it after being back in the UK for 2 years. Would I go back, no well not to live/ Great blog be the way. All the best to you and your Hubby xx

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    1. So sorry for your loss, and thanks for reading the blog.

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  19. I know that this blog is old but my man scored a 14 on the questionnaire!!!! super excited....especially after having my a nasty break up. thank you so much for this blog

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  20. Dear Lindsay, thank you very much for the excellent blog and the other pieces of information, very helpful indeed! Everything fits even so the overall score for this sanky is low, maybe he is new to the game? What I was wondering how can someone life with a person every day for months and still have a common law wife? After reading all the information yesterday, I started to wonder and I started on some search. I was able to confirm the sad fact that there was a death in the family, which will impact him as the oldest male. I want to be supportive during this difficult time, but the thought that someone would lie about that was so upsetting that I had to have this part confirmed somehow. With him and the family still in the mourning period, I received a call from him today that he was arrested last night over an incident that happened back in October I think. I am sure these types of accusations might not be uncommon, but this is still pretty bizzare to me: In October he claimed that a neighbor told another neighbor that he was seen with a foreigner and the neighbor decided to blackmail him. He made it very clear that it is risky for him to be seen with a foreignor, because people will think he has money! The neighbor has a daughter who is underage and who claimed that they had sex. He claims that the problem started years ago when the neighbor saw him kiss the daughter and of course the daughter is known to have had many partners. I told him to get a lawyer, but he refused and said he would have to settle it himself and that would be the end of it. We fought for over a week because he kept bringing it up and making me feel guity so I finally gave in because it was not worth the money he needed. I told him to make sure to get a statement from the laywer that the issue was resolved. I thought that this would not be the end of it, but forgot about it over the months and with the recent death it completely escaped my mind. So today's call came out of the blue, like you said I am out of the country, but planning to return soon for at least 4 months. He told me he was in jail last night and released today, because his father hired two lawyers to get him out. This is the father who has no money! He will have to go back to jail within a month and will be put away for a while if he does not pay. His father is borrowing money to help and so is his aunt so there is only this "small" amount left (the amounts are increasing). When I called his bluff and asked him if he thinks I am stupid he got very angry and hung up. I called him back because I wanted to confront him and he changed tactics and told me he just needed my moral support, but then kept bringing up the money again. I played along and told him that for that money he can hire a laywer, but he insisted everything was settled with the new lawyer the mother of the minor hired. I told him that I wanted to talk to the laywer and see the contract this time and he told me he would show it to me tomorrow. Usually, I have been the person soothing things over, but this time he went to far! I it just so disappointing to see how far people will go for money, especially since he always warned me about these bad people out there and he always blamed me for not trusting him because I keep on asking all these questions so he would finally cave and admit that he was lying. He usually gets offensive and refuses to answer any questions and tells me that I want to control him, which really is proof enough. I would love to hear from you how one can get immersed in this great and wonderful culture without being prey to these types of attempts. I do not have a problem at all to give and share my resources, but within reason. When it goes from gasoline, food, pills or propane for his Mom to these types of outrageous stories, it must end right there. So, be aware even if the person does not exactly fit the profile and takes a slower and maybe a more creative approach, he still could be a sanky!

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    1. Sorry, I meant the amounts are decreasing because I am indicating that I do not have money!

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    2. Yes this is standard - it starts for simple things and then becomes more and more outrageous and they get abusive and angry when you do not simply roll over and pay. Always ask for proof.

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  21. i married a dominican man .i am 14 years older.He had all kinds of women i didnt know about.he was not a good lover didnt kiss ,didnt even want to have sex with me ,never touched me after the marriage.seems he likes young girls.now tells me he was never attracted to me but tries to keep me hanging on.compulsive liar completely immature acts like hes a god.doesnt communicate .pay attention to the red flags and check up on them they always have a girl somewhere and will go to prostitutes

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