Friday, December 7, 2012

Lala - Part 2

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and advice for how I should help Lala.

I went to see her every day. Her little wooden house was full, as all her children returned from various parts of the country, and indeed the world, to see her. The men all sat outside on the terrace, and the women all sat inside in the living area. There was rarely anyone in the bedroom with Lala, unless the priest came, when they all crammed into her little bedroom to pray.

When I went into see her she was lying flat, no pillow, so I suggested sitting her up a little so that her chest didn't become congested, and I sat and talked to her and held her hand every time I went. Sometimes she would open her eyes and sometimes squeeze my hand. I tried to exercise her arms and legs and I asked the family to do the same, and talk to her as I was sure she could hear me. I think they thought I was nuts and could hear them muttering about the crazy gringa lady.

I went to see her every day, twice a day, and each time she was lying flat again, and each time I asked them to sit her up and talk to her.

I went to see her on Wednesday morning. She was the same. Flat on her back again. I sat and chatted for a while, holding her hand and stroking her hair. One of her sons who had arrived said he had asked a doctor from the local private clinic to come and see her at 4 pm. I went again at two.  Her breathing was fine, her pulse was strong, she was being tube fed, with no signs of dehydration. I told her I would see her again later.

At 4.30 pm I was sitting in my house working on my computer and I heard a dreadful wail, and then more and more and more. Screaming and howling. The street was full of people running to Lala's house. I couldn't believe that she had died, as a couple of hours earlier she was fine.

It appeared the doctor had come. He had given her an injection. No one knew what the injection was for, as no one asked. Dominicans on the whole trust doctors implicitly and never ask what medicines they are being given, nor what injections they are having. Lala's family just let the doctor inject her without knowing what it was. They still don't know. Twenty minutes later she was dead.

Dominicans are brilliantly efficient at death. Within no time at all she was laid in her coffin in what used to be the living room which was cleared of furniture, and the coffin place atop a large block of ice to try and keep it cool. All night long the family stayed up and friends and neighbours visited and consoled them. I went to see her out of respect to the family, although I really didn't want to see her body. It was fine though. What I saw lying in the coffin wasn't Lala. It was her body yes, but she wasn't there. She had been there a few hours earlier when I was talking to her, but she had gone. Throughout the night the sound of the crying and howling was heart wrenching.

Yesterday it was the funeral. We went to the local Catholic church first, and then to the cemetery. Outside the church was an enterprising chap selling ice cream out of a cooler and the colmado was handing out plastic bags to women for their hair as it was spitting with rain.  At the front of the procession was a man holding a wooden cross, then the hearse, with the family walking next to it touching it, then people walking, then the motorcycles and finally the cars. It didn't rain and it was hot, so many of the women had umbrellas - I got sun burned.


People were singing hymns and crying, and the men kept leaving the procession to have a pee behind trees. It was around three miles to the cemetery and once there, which took a couple of hours, the coffin was unloaded and carried through the higgledy piggledy graveyard to the crypt.

entrance to cemetery

People were climbing on top of the different crypts to get a good view, like playing in a kids' playground - somewhat ghoulish I thought, but that is the custom I suppose. The screaming then became totally hysterical, with some of her children having to be restrained from climbing into the crypt alongside the coffin. Their grief was almost unbearable to watch and a couple of the women even screamed themselves into unconsciousness and had to be carried away.

She will be mourned now for 9 days and on the ninth day there will be the final farewell, then the furniture will go back inside, and her husband Michael, also in his eighties will start his life alone.

I will always wonder what was in that injection.

RIP Lala.

14 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear, hugs to you Lindsay!

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  2. Oh bhoy, so sorry to hear this sad news.

    It’s so sad to hear that the family didn’t even know what she was given. I guess now it means the family can move on with their lives and return to their homes, and countries from which they rushed from.

    She sounded like a lovely typical old Dominican woman whom I’m sure appreciated the gringa in her life.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. Stay strong for Lala.

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  3. Sorry for your loss Lindsay. You and the family are in our prayers
    Bill y Marleny , villa mella

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  4. So sorry to hear the sad news about your friend Lala. How strange that the Doctor just gives an injection without having to justify what he is doing and no one asks.

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    1. Sami they never ask. They blindly take pills, have injections and never ask what is in them, what the side effects are - nothing.

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  5. Oh my goodness that is awful but at the same time a release? In the UK she would have been cared for properely but sounds like her family did not have a clue how to really care for her needs. I watched a TV program a while back about Euthanasia and where people with an incurable illness went to a clinic in Switzerland to die. As a Catholic I'm in two minds about this...but I know for sure if my body was dead and my brain alive I would not want to continue living and take my chances if God banished me to hell :)

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    1. I would be the same. Lala was Catholic too. We will never know what was in that injection though.

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  6. Whatever it was, the worse thing is that her family blindly trusted M.D., without raising a question !, but most definitely culturally speaking, the people at ´campo´ are not stuck at life ! if religious, you know where you are going and are fine with it !!, so is your whole family ! Lala is in the hands of GOD her eternal father in a place that most people who have had out of body experience define as JOYOUS and FULL OF FLOWERS with the SOUND OF ANGELS SINGING !´. Have not ever seen a body without a smile !! - My mother died not only with a smile on her face but her right hand raised up to heavens ! The week before she spoke to my daughter and said that ´she was going away next week´ ! we only knew what she meant when she got sick and died in 1/2 flat ! One of my sisters was crying and on the third day she dreamt my mother saying: ´live me in peace, do not cry, I am in a place full of flowers, dancing with Jesus !´ - she loved flowers, specially orchids ! I buried her (it was my duty as the oldest of the family) with a perfect giant white and yellow orchid on her hands !

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    1. Nice Olga. Lovely how you buried her and yes they all blindly trust doctors here.

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  7. This is so sad :/ I am very sorry Lala is gone, and about the whole situation with the injection.
    Today my grandma called me from Santo Domingo to tell me that mi tia de crianza had died. She was a healthy woman, still young. Grandma told me she suddenly had a thrombosis, and doctors couldn't do anything about it. such a sad day today

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  8. I'm a nurse and co owner of a hospice company. We go into people's homes and help provide care,nurses visit, girls that bathe the patient, change their night gownes, change the bed sheets. We bring in medication, hospital beds, oxygen, all the equip needed.
    Is there a service like that in the DR?

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    1. Not as far as I know, and would be fabulous if there was.

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